They say there’s a reason for every season. So if that’s the case, then I reckon there’s gotta be something to gain from my pain. Not just for myself, but to also help someone else. So I challenged myself: How can there be maximum gain if I keep it all to myself?
To share is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is scary. But then through sharing (in a safe environment), our fears are dispersed. And that’s the triangle complete. What we expose to the light through sharing with another can’t hold us back anymore. And so it is: False Evidence Appearing Real is exposed for the lie that it is, and we are then able to Face Everything And Rise.
So as I learn how to be more vulnerable, to share heart and truths about myself, it is not to sound all ‘woe is me’ or to gain pity. But instead, because I’m surely not the only one, I’m making the choice to speak out for that someone out there reading my story, unable to share their own story, yet silently relating to mine. That my story would enable them to see that they are not the only one to struggle with that issue. That they might find relief, be encouraged, and find the strength to get up and take a step forward, continuing on their journey that is life.
A little while ago now, on my 30 minute walk to work, I was thinking, reflecting, and contemplating my life (at 48), who I am, and what I’ve done with it. I was feeling somewhat confused as to why I had such conflict in my mind between my feelings about who I am, and my feelings about what I’ve done. So as I pelted the last of my steps along the footpath, in desperation I literally yelled it out “So God, what is my problem then?” and I had this lightbulb moment where I suddenly realised (or maybe it was God yelling – not audibly – back at me) “All of your life you have done what you loved. BUT you haven’t loved who you are.”
Shortly after, and throughout the day as I processed how I came to be in this place of conflict within myself, these words came to me: a short ‘spoken word’ about accepting responsibility for my choices (realised or not), and my learning to prioritise (for the first time in my life) who I am, over what I do. It is to be read as an expressive piece, from a positive perspective of one who has: had, lost, searched, and found. I did an audio for you, to give you context of tone, but unfortunately it fails to load due to ‘security reasons’ which I cannot resolve. Read on:
In a world that is busy.
Focused on my ‘do’, more than my ‘be’.
Losing sight of what’s important.
Choosing my ‘do’, while losing my ‘me’.
All consumed by the God dream.
I found my sense of purpose in life.
Significance and value.
That ill perspective put me in strife.
So while I have fought my way back.
Finding my ‘be’, after losing my ‘do’.
The fight is now on again.
To guard my ‘be,’ whatever I ‘do’.
When you speak love for my ‘be’.
Only meeting to action my ‘do’.
Rightly or wrongly it seems;
My ‘do’ is more important to you.
I want to serve yet again.
But I fear losing who I ‘be’ once more.
I want to step out! Yes, I do!
But I need courage to walk through that door!
So when you speak words of love…
Is it only my ‘do’ that you see?
Cos without my ‘do’ I’m enough!
As I’m learning to see who I ‘be’.
How much more can we achieve when we are all about loving who we ‘be’ with one another, over that of loving what we can ‘do’ for one another.
When ‘being’ is the priority, and we know that ‘who we are’ is enough, our ‘doing’ (out of the truest expression of our ‘being’), will then naturally follow.
But when ‘doing’ is the priority, our truest expression of ‘who we are’ may be limited (due to fear of not being enough) because of our perception that our acceptance is in our ‘doing’.
Prioritise your ‘being’, that both your ‘being’ and your ‘doing’ will be expressed in their truest forms. As a result the world will be maximally blessed by both: who you be, and what you do.
You were born a human ‘being’
you could become a human ‘doing.’
Hoodoo Gurus was a band in the 80’s. Be a ‘Who Do’ Guru for your circle of influence. A Guru in knowing your/their ‘Who’ is ALWAYS more important than your/their ‘Do.’
Be true to yourself, and who you were created to be.