In having parted ways with my former church at the beginning of this year (2025), on this day I was stepping out to check out, yet again, another church to attend. It’s one of my least favourite things to do on my own, but being a solo unit, there is no other choice. So I thought I would wear my armlet as a source of encouragement.
I was already well on my way to church, when with my hands on the steering wheel, my wrists exposed below the end of the sleeves on my jumper, I suddenly realised that black leather armlet was not on my right wrist. Infact I could see it still on my bed where I had left it, thinking that was the best place to put it as a reminder to put on after getting ready.
While I know those attributes are not found in or from the armlet, sometimes I need to see those two words pressed in capitals on that metal plate, to be reminded. As I pondered those words ‘strong & courageous’ and their origin as coming from ‘strength & courage’ God said to me:
“With or without that armlet, you are strong and courageous because I am your source for strength and courage.”
Currently I am unwell with a head cold. It started as a sinus infection, then with a post nasal drip, my voice started changing:
from croaky like a frog, to squeaky as a mouse, today I have no choice, but to be silent in my house.
Last night I contemplated if my ill health was more than just physical. Could there be another lesson in this for me? Physically, apart from the sniffles, I feel fine. Infact yesterday I did the housework, got all my laudry washed and dried, and my grocery shopping done too.
So I asked God – my source of higher power: “Is there a spiritual element to this? What would you say to me?” And I felt this response:
“In the same way you were losing your physical voice (and now lost it), when you don’t write what you’ve got to say – you’re not using your voice, you’re losing it, which if not found, will one day be lost. Worse still, by the choices you make (consciously and sub consciously), whatever the excuse might be that justifies your procrastination to avoid writing, you’re choosing to lose your voice. ”
So here I am choosing to find and use my voice . . . once again. Don’t choose to lose it. But instead: Choose to use it!
Whatever ‘it’ is for you. ‘That thing’ you do that you know feeds your spirit and your soul. ‘That thing’ you do that so many say they love, but you constantly doubt and second guess yourself. ‘That thing’ you do, but doubt it has any significant reach or impact. ‘That thing’ you do that scares you to be vulnerable enough to put it out there. DO ‘THAT THING !’ Use it! Give ‘that thing’ legs, that it would then reach those who need it. Those who need to know that safe, honest, and open vulnerability is still out there. Give ‘that thing’ the chance to impact the mind, heart, soul, and spirit of those that see it. Do ‘that thing’ regardless of reach. You may never know how far it goes, but at least you put it out there so that it could GO ! Do ‘that thing’ for those that appreciate it. And if for no other reason, do ‘that thing’ because it feeds your own spirit and soul.
It has been over a year since I have shared anything here. That’s a story for another day. But for today . . . I hope this post serves to encourage, bless, and inspire . . .
It was in the midnight hours of late December I came to realise I’ve been running too hard, too fast, for too long, and not prioritising myself. As the following day was a day off, I was able to prioritise that as a day for some much needed self care, knowing that a weekend getaway to Portland (planned a month or so back) was coming soon. And so here I am, mid afternoon, now in Portland.
Planning my route, google had given me 3 options. I could go the highway, and do a heap of errands in the availability of Warrnambool retail, or I could take the back roads (either along the coastline, or inland), and just enjoy the drive. I decided the right choice was the latter. To stop the ‘doing’ & just enjoy the ‘being’ while travelling the inland route, as I have already seen the coast line.
How does one enjoy the scenery at 100kms/hr? One doesn’t. At which point I was reminded that there is no rush. So with my gospel music playing, singing along, I slowed down to drive at about 80 or below, taking in the sights of remnant Christmas decorations, be it a fading painted hay stack for a tree, or a single piece of green tinsel blowing in the wind as it hangs from a letterbox.
Then there’s paddocks and fencelines, hills near and mountains far. I really enjoy a paddock scattered with round hay bales, or ‘communities’ of cattle, some ‘chatting’ around the water trough, some seeking shade under trees, while others are ‘hanging out’ further afield. The sights of old farm sheds and cattle yards, maybe no longer used, with some mystery to their history, make me wonder about the stories they hold. Looking ahead, looking behind, there’s no-one approaching, the road is all mine. So I continue to set my own pace on this drive.
As I approach road signs warning of road works ahead, and the need to slow down, then further along, a single pot hole the size of a crater filled in with red gravel – I assume by a local. Then stretches of road, with no white lines, 2 lanes wide, but only sealed down the middle, so that’s where I sit. Until oncoming traffic approaches, and at the right time we each take our respective sides, then we move back to the middle, for the smooth comfort of a sealed road. In all of this, while I had slowed down, I did not stop. Well, I did for these two photos, albeit very briefly. But there were many other opportunities I contemplated stopping for a photo, but never did. At each opportunity, I just wanted to get to my destination. Reading back over this, I realise now, that in taking the two photos I had flicked back into what I was trying to break away from: my ‘doing’ the task, instead of about my ‘being’ in the moment, and capturing it. But in not capturing other photo opportunities, yes I had broken away from ‘doing’ the task, but neither was I ‘being’ in the moment (or stopping to capture it). Further along, when I needed to stop, I couldn’t because now I had traffic behind me, and the road was such that I could not safely pull over. So now I was pushed to speed up from my leisurely pace and continue on. So that is what I did.
My focus was on my ‘doing’ instead of on my ‘being’
It all makes me reflect on life. Sometimes there are warning signs of hazards ahead, or maintenance in progress, and other times, it’s a complete surprise, like coming out of a bend, or not seeing a concealed driveway. Sometimes we’ve seen the potholes, the craters, whatever they be, and we’ve filled them in with something, but that’s only temporary, not a complete solution. And so I’m discovering the importance of the ‘STOP’. To choose to take a stop when I want to, instead of being forced into a stop, because I need to. Afterall, it’s better to ‘refresh’ than to ‘resuscitate’.
Choose The STOP: It’s better to ‘refresh’ than to ‘resuscitate’
Now that piece was actually written over a year ago, in January of 2024. The importance of ‘The STOP’ has continued to be a mission in progress this past year, but with a few 3 night stays away, and a number of day long road trips, I’m quite content with where it’s at.
I think the most important part is learning to recognise what you need, how often you need it, and to plan ahead for that, so that it’s you making the choice to get that regular time to relax, refresh and renew, ensuring that you dont ever get to the point of needing resuscitation.
It has been many months since I have sat down to add anything here. Many many months . . . and yet it’s not for lack of inspiration. But for procrastination, lack of motivation, and a serious lack of prioritisation. And the only reason I’m here now is because of the prompting of another writer, and one day, I believe, a published author.
Recently I started a fortnightly writing workshop with a group of young people. The first task of which is to spend a few minutes in ‘automatic writing’ or ‘free writing’ whereby one writes whatever comes to mind in that moment.
At this very first workshop, one of my group looked out the window, saw this tree, and with those 3 minutes, created the piece below:
(permission granted to share anonymously)
The tree’s branches are so stick like, that they just snap like a carrot. The tree has no leaves, like it’s dead. It’s still alive on the inside, but it looks dead on the outside. Where the birds sit and nest, and where school play items get stuck.
Speaking personally, the part that resonates with me is: ‘. . . items get stuck.’
It causes me to reflect on those parts of me that are stuck. Such as the ‘writing’ part of me. The part of me that wants to exercise and get fit. The part of me that can organise anyone else’s home, but when it comes to my own, I’m not quite with it.
I see a hula hoop and a basket ball. Both are a source of fun activities. But to who’s benefit are they if stuck and thereby non functioning in the purpose they were made for?
How do they get free, from the branches of that tree?
So, as the tree I may be? I wonder what needs to come down? What should I set free? What do I need to ‘let go’ of? To release the stuck parts in me.
Or be I the hula hoop or the basketball. I am of no benefit to anyone, if I remain stuck and out of reach, only a memory of past laughter and fun.
Whoever I be, any one, or all of those three. Identifying the stuck parts of me is the first step to getting free. Let function and purpose be my decree.
So, just as I have challenged myself, is there a part of you that also resonates with this piece?
We all have fears to varying degrees and for varying reasons. Some are real and justified, others are based in our perception. But when fear stops us from living and loving life in the way we would like to, then I believe it’s in our best interest to confront it.
And so I start with the challenge here:
Never let the fear of ______________
Keep you from __________________
What game (aspect of life) is fear stopping you from playing?
In the same way succesful athletes use tactical skills (strategic mental abilities) to win games and competitions, so too fear has its own tactical skills that it uses in the negative effect on our mental abilities.
That’s why I call fear a ‘game player’ . . . because it plays the game of ‘scare tactics’ in an attempt to keep us from our best game.
In each of our situations, we are the only one who can decide when we will make the choice to stand in the face of fear, and decide that it is time to get out on the ‘field’ . . . pick up that ‘bat’ . . . and give it our best shot!
Speaking for myself . . . my ‘bat’ is my ‘pen’ as I’ve not been ‘pen’ ing as much as I’d like to.
It was back in March earlier this year while at a client’s home working as a cleaner that I had a moment of reflection. On this particular day, I had noticed a load of clothes still in the washing machine. While my usual duties are only to fold and put away when dry, I decided to hang this wet load out anyway. It was while hanging out the washing, that I remembered a thought, a prayer, from a few days earlier …. thinking and praying about if and when a time would come where I would once again stand outside in my own backyard, with the warmth of the sun beaming down on my back, while hanging my clothes out on a real clothesline.
For the last 8 years I have lived in apartment buildings without a clothes line. So when it came to drying my clothes it was either inside looking like a Chinese laundry, on a clothes horse outside on my small undercover balcony, or in a tumble dryer at the local laundromat. It’s a small thing, a very random thing to have a hankering for, but that’s how it was.
Now on this day while working at my client’s home, I realised that day had come. While they weren’t my clothes on my line, in my backyard, it still felt unbelievably great to enjoy the activity of hanging out the washing.
While I appreciated it for the opportunity, moreso because it reaffirmed my thoughts and prayers are heard from above, I wondered was this the fullness of that, or was this just the beginning of more to come? This was the ‘spark of hope’ for more . . .
As the saying goes: An attitude of gratitude determines your altitude.
Who knew … that just 4 months later, I would make the tree change move, from city to country, into a stand alone unit, with my own frontyard, driveway, and backyard, including my very own clothesline – albeit a small one.
Due to all the rain, my clothesline was only a thing to admire from my kitchen window while doing the dishes. But I knew the day would come, sooner or later, when I would have the right weather to use it. So I did as much as I could to be ready for THAT day. I had a friend tighten the line, I de-cobwebbed and wiped it down, and put a table off to the side, ready to put my washing basket on. It was ready for use . . . now I just needed the right weather.
And that day finally arrived …. a month ago now …. and it was awesome, for the fullness of the experience (and all those to come), but mostly to be able to reflect back on the journey of how far my thoughts, my prayers, had come.
What thoughts are you thinking?
What prayers are you praying?
Be they positive or negative, they influence your journey with variable impact, and resulting effect.
It’s just a thought . . . and maybe something to think about . . .
Some years back now, somewhere on my journey of managing and navigating a diagnosis of depression, I came across an @ and an & in wood, painted white just like these ones sitting on a shelf in an Op Shop. (I’ve just bought and painted these to replace their weather damaged predescessors). At the time of the initial purchase, I knew immediately what they were both about! They were a team, a duo, a double whammy, to become tools in my toolbox of mental health resources as they spoke to me with:
” Where are you @ ,
& What are you doing about it? “
These became like a self-care check point as part of my balcony garden. Not only was it a check point, but it was also a challenge to take responsibility for where I was @ in that moment, & to take action to make any necessary changes. I think it was also a gentle reminder that where I was @ was not the end of the sentence (or my life itself), but merely a comma, a pause, time to think and then consider the next part of the question. Sometimes that meant getting up right there and then to do something creative to change my head space, going for a walk, or whatever task I could pick to create the shift. Other times it meant asserting a boundary with someone. Nowadays it’s more about celebrating where I am @ & ensuring I’m doing what I need to do to stay on track. Either way, wherever I am @, I am the only one that can do something about that for me.
Put the @ and the & together and you get:’@&” or ‘atand’ . . . and a word comes to mind: Atacand. It’s from my nursing background. It’s a medication used in the treatment of high blood pressure and heart failure, also called Candesartan. You may or may not know it? You may even be on it?
For me, I believe my diagnosis of depression stemmed from a heart issue. Not my physical heart, but my emotional heart. And so it is no surprise to me, that I find myself here connecting my @ and my & with a word that is indeed medication for issues of the heart.
The analysis continues as my mind pulls the word ‘Atacand’ apart: between the ‘at and the ‘and’ we have two letters: ‘ac’. Knowing the way in which my brain pulls things apart to analyse, to see if there’s any meaning in the smallest of details, I wonder where will this one lead? My first thought is probably the same as yours – ‘air con’ but I decided to google ‘ac’ just to see and I was reminded of ‘alternating current’ – a type of electrical current in which the current repeatedly changes direction.
How true it is:
That my @ and my & are like a current repeatedly changing direction.
Where I am @ can determine what I am doing.
& What I am doing can determine where I am @
So it’s equally important to monoitor both ends of the current.
For some unknown reason, after arriving home having parked in my carport, I often find myself sitting in my car scrolling through my phone, or just staring out my windscreen. I think maybe it’s the feeling of warmth within that enclosed space of my car that holds me there (me being the cold ‘bod’ that I am), I don’t know. But in recent weeks, I have found it to be a space where stories begin. And that’s how this story came about . . .
As I sat in my car, staring out through my windscreen across my driveway at the pencil pine tree that stands opposite my car space, this is what I saw:
And for all the times I’ve sat and stared at this space, today was the first time I actually saw what I was staring at. A smaller ivy like plant has sprouted, and with its large leaves has connected with and started intertwining amongst the much bigger pencil pine. And I ‘felt’ the words:
“Those you stand closely beside, you ultimately grow and intertwine with.”
And I was reminded of something I once read about how our brain chemistry literally changes based on our interactions. And I thought again of the importance of making sure our key connections are with people who result in positive ‘brain changes’ for us, which then ultimately impacts our mental health. This in turn is an influence on our choices for who we are as a whole being which in turn then impacts our life and potentially our overall health.
I found myself intrigued by the large green leaves of Ivy and how they have woven in amongst the branches and spindle like needles of Pencil Pine. And my thoughts went to that of a Christmas tree with Ivy being like a decoration on Pencil Pine.
And again the analogy grew, not that our connections should ‘decorate us’ but I think in some ways the healthy ones do exactly that, as they bring out the best in us, making us shine as better versions of ourselves.
So here we have two healthy plants growing alongside each other, so closely side by side, that one was now growing into the other. But then I noticed some areas of darker growth on Pencil Pine lower down at the base. Getting out of my car to check it out up close, I noticed there is quite a bit of dead undergrowth.
And so the anology continued to grow . . . while our connections may look healthy on the surface, what about those hidden parts? Is there dead (or dying) growth at the foundation?
In any and every relational connection, whether I’m Ivy or Pencil Pine (or anywhere in between) I continue to challenge myself as to:
Who am I ‘intertwining with? Who am I ‘attaching’ myself to? Who is ‘attaching’ themselves to me? Is it healthy? Is it in line with brain chemistry changes that will benefit me, and also benefit them?
And so, especially in this time when connection is limited and yet so vitally important, I encourage you to consider your own connections and to pursue those that benefit your mental health. Those that result in supporting and developing a better version of you, and the ‘you’ that you seek to be.
Yesterday while out getting some groceries, I stopped to support my local (and my hunger) in buying a chai and a muffin for breakfast.
In looking for a place to rest my chai so I could enjoy that muffin, before continuing on with my grocery shopping, I eventually found an empty bench seat. But on such a nice, warm, sunny day, my bench seat, the only one I could find space on, was in the shade. So I stood eating, while staring out across the road at the sunshine on the other side of the street, wishing there was a seat over there, or even just a ledge to put my cup on, so that I could stand in the sun, rather than just look at it.
As I bent down to pick up my chai for a drink, I noticed a lady (maybe in her 70’s) had sat down on ‘my bench’, with the seat of her 4 wheel walker carrying a couple of grocery bags.
So I said “Hello” and started a conversation. In just a few minutes I learnt that this was the first time out of her house in 2 months. She lives alone & didn’t know about the ‘bubble buddy’ system. Now she does.
I asked her how she’s been filling her days: She loves to play cards and board games, but of course she has noone to play them with. So she plays a lot of patience.
She’s recently finished chemotherapy treatment and is now in remission. That’s why she took a seat – to rest for a breather (as the chemo has resulted in some heart failure), before continuing on to the train station.
I’m now so very thankful that I couldn’t find a seat in the sun, because I believe this seat in the shade on the way to the train station was meant for ‘Nola’ and I to share those minutes of connection. That I would have the opportunity to chat with her, encourage her, and bless her as she went on her way. In the days to come I hope she sits back with her much loved cup of tea, and reflects on our conversation.
My high school motto was ‘carpe diem’ (seize the day).
In these days especially: I’m lookingtosee the opportunity, and seize it. Because I’m blessed to be a blessing!
Sometimes we don’t get what we wanted. Because if we did, then someone else wouldn’t get what they needed.
helenpowellpens 